How to Divorce - Three Methods

Divorce doesn't have to be a battlefield!

Navigating the end of a marriage can be an emotionally charged and complex process. Where to begin or how to file for divorce, although daunting, is relatively simple. Most courts provide the forms for DIY (aka "pro se") divorce seekers. However, choosing the right method to handle your divorce can significantly impact the experience and outcome for all parties involved. Whether you choose a pro se divorce, traditional divorce, collaborative divorce, or mediated divorce, each offers unique benefits and challenges.

Comparing the Options at a Glance:

	Traditional Divorce	Collaborative Divorce	Mediated Divorce
Length:	Longest (months to years)	Moderate (months to a year)	Shortest (weeks to months)
Cost:	Most expensive	Expensive	Least expensive
Professionals involved:	Attorneys, potential experts, witnesses	Attorneys, neutral 3rd party specialists, collaborative experts	Mediator, “advisory” attorneys (optional)
Benefits:	Structured process; attorneys advocate to ensure their client's legal rights are protected and fight to get a "winning" outcome for their client; the judge provides a clear ruling on issues such as asset division and child custody.	Less stressful; open communication and mutual problem-solving in a private setting; attorneys advocate for their client but share information with opposing counsel to reach a collaborative resolution.	Parties have greater control over the outcome; attorneys can be used in an advisory capacity but aren't required; private setting; preserves relationships. (Most courts require divorcing couples to attend mediation before a divorce can proceed through the court system.)
Drawbacks:	Less control of the final resolution; adversarial; case details become public record – loss of privacy.	Failure to reach mutual resolution will require parties to start the divorce process over with a traditional divorce using new attorneys.	Failure to reach mutual resolution will require the parties to resolve the remaining contested issues in court.
Best suited for:	High conflict cases where cooperation is unlikely or when serious issues such as abuse, deception, or complex asset disputes exist.	Cases where there is mutual trust among the parties and a commitment to work together constructively to reach resolution.	Cases where parties are willing to negotiate in good faith and full disclosure, and compromise to reach a fair resolution. Learn more about mediated divorce.

Let's dive into the details:

Traditional Divorce

The traditional divorce process, often referred to as litigation, involves both parties hiring attorneys and presenting their case in court. This process is adversarial as lawyers battle on behalf of their client to get the ultimate resolution. The process can be time-consuming, often taking months or even years to reach a final resolution. Factors such as court schedules, contested issues, and the complexity of the case can prolong the process.

This method can be the most expensive option as attorney fees, court costs, and expert witness fees can quickly add up, especially if the case is highly contentious. In contentious cases, additional parties such as child psychologists and financial analysts may be brought in to further the odds on one side or the other “winning” their case. In these situations, the costs can skyrocket, adding costs and stress (financially and emotionally).

The courtroom environment and adversarial proceedings can be emotionally taxing for both spouses, potentially exacerbating feelings of anger, resentment, and sadness during an already challenging time. This can worsen tensions and strain relationships between spouses, especially if children are involved. Additionally, court proceedings are a matter of public record, which means details about the divorce and the disputes involved may be accessible to the public, compromising privacy.

At the end of case, decisions regarding division of assets, custody, and support are often left to the judge, reducing the ability of spouses to shape the outcome in ways that align with their preferences.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative divorce is a less adversarial approach where both parties commit to resolving their issues outside of court with the help of trained professionals. The timeline for a collaborative divorce is typically shorter than litigation. While each case varies, many are resolved within a few months to a year.

Attorneys are hired by each party but rather than being adversarial, the attorneys share information to help the parties reach an amicable resolution. In addition to the spouses and their attorneys, collaborative divorce often involves neutral third-party specialists, such as financial consultants and child specialists, who can assist in creating fair, informed solutions without adversarial tactics. Unlike traditional divorce proceedings, which are part of the public record, collaborative divorce takes place in private meetings, protecting sensitive details.

While a collaborative divorce can be less expensive and more private than traditional divorce, if negotiations fail, couples may have to start over in a traditional litigated divorce, which means additional time and expenses. Because the attorneys used during the collaborative process are privy to information that would not normally be available to opposing counsel, the collaborative attorneys must withdraw from the case and the parties would need to hire new attorneys to move forward with a traditional divorce.

Mediated Divorce

Mediated divorce, often referred to as mediation, involves a neutral third party—a specially trained mediator—who facilitates discussions between the spouses to help them reach a mutually agreeable resolution. Mediation is often the fastest option for divorce, with many cases resolving in a matter of weeks or a few months, depending on the complexity and willingness of the parties to cooperate. This is because once you reach an agreement, your divorce becomes uncontested. You then file the agreement with your divorce complaint and ask the court to make the agreement a part of the final divorce decree. No need to work within the court's schedule.

Unlike court proceedings where a judge decides the outcome, mediation allows both spouses to actively participate in crafting solutions that work for their unique circumstances. The mediation sessions happen in private, ensuring sensitive details of the divorce remain confidential. The mediator guides the couple in creating a personalized agreement, addressing financial arrangements, custody schedules, and other issues in a way that aligns with their needs.

This method is typically the least expensive because the primary participants are limited to the divorcing spouses and the mediator. Each party is expected to conduct good faith and full disclosure negotiations and are responsible for making decisions that work best for them. Attorneys may be consulted (during or after the mediation session), but their role is advisory rather than central. In this capacity, the attorney will provide advice to ensure the party is aware of their rights to guard against unknowingly agreeing to unfavorable terms, but the ultimate decision is up to the party. The mediator’s fee, along with using an attorney in an advisory capacity resulting in fewer billable hours, making this method the most cost-effective divorce option. If a party chooses not to use an attorney, the cost is limited to the mediator’s fee, making this option even less expensive.

If the divorcing spouses cannot reach an agreement during mediation, the process ends without a resolution, and the couple may need to proceed with litigation. However, the couple would only need to litigate those issues on which resolution could not be reached and they may use the attorney they used as the “advisory” attorney. There would not be a need to hire new counsel (as with a collaborative divorce) as the mediator acts as the go-between, ensuring only specific information is disclosed to opposing counsel.

Many courts, with a few exceptions, make mediation mandatory for couples seeking a traditional divorce before they can proceed through the court system with their case. The non-adversarial nature of mediation fosters respectful communication, which can be especially beneficial for co-parents seeking to maintain a positive relationship. Additionally, because spouses reach agreements together, they are more likely to adhere to the terms, reducing enforcement issues post-divorce.

Which Method is Right for You?

The best divorce method depends on your priorities and circumstances. If emotions are running high and there’s significant conflict, traditional divorce may be the only viable route. For couples committed to a more amicable split, collaborative divorce or mediation can offer faster and less costly alternatives. Choosing the right method is a deeply personal decision, but being informed about your options can empower you to make the best choice during this pivotal moment in your life.

Contact Thompson Mediation and Arbitration and let us help you reach resolution.